Updates, or Feeling Pretty Good

Oh yeah, I have a blog. Forgot all about that, seeing as everyone who is anyone is on Tumblr by now (Danica, this is a dig at you in case you missed it). But for realsies, I am blogging for the first time in like, 4 months. It is both cause for celebration and (be)cause of celebration(s surrounding Christmas).

I haven’t had much of a chance to blog. To be honest, I haven’t had much of a chance to do much of anything this past semester. I feel like I’m always operating at full speed and never getting much of anything done. I’m always busy, but nothing ever happens in my life.

That being said, I don’t regret the sacrificing of my social life. I worked my ass off all semester and I just got my grades back, and they’re fairly impressive. I even got an e-mail from the director of my program saying that he is “excited to witness [my] intellectual development”. That made me feel crazy good.

As far as my September turning over of new leaves, I’d say I’ve done a fair job. I’m rocking the new haircut (when I wake up early enough to deal with it). I’m working hard at work, and I’m working REALLY hard at school. I’m becoming closer to new people and being a little more outgoing with ones I don’t know so well. I’m going for a more inclusive feel. I went to a bar downtown a few weeks ago (which feels like a bigger deal than it is). I’m putting family first and trying to be more patient with my parents and more involved in Art’s life.

I’m still working on some things. Rome was not built in a single declaration of leaf turning. I’m working on taking more chances and letting people in, and I certainly need to work on finding a balance between school and having a social life.

School has made being a good friend a little difficult, which I hate and don’t know how to fix. Jenna had a rough couple of weeks about a month ago and all I could do was read about it helplessly on the internet between papers. It kills me that I wasn’t there for her; it’s not that I was a bad friend, it’s that I was absent, which I feel is so much worse.

I’ve been busy. I’ve been exhausted. I’ve felt like there is no possible way that I can make it through this next year. But not once have I felt defeated or lost or empty. I definitely don’t feel like I’m the same person I was before May, but I’m back to some form of normal. And overall, I feel like I’m better off.

Bitch, Please

I feel like I’ve gotten away from myself. This summer has been quite possibly the worst of my 22 years and in the midst of all the chaos, I’ve become lost. Ever seen The Walking Dead, where that boy watches his (now) zombie mother wander the streets she once knew before she became the shell of a human being? I feel like I’m that zombie mom. I’ve wandered around feeling empty, trying to go through the motions of what feels like a former life. If we’re being honest, I was so tired of fighting that I let myself feel unextraordinary. My life, in short, became a bit of a Henry James novella.

I was too tired to fight a battle with life that constantly left me with my teeth kicked in. But I’m done with that. Starting now, I’m turning over all sorts of new leaves.

Next week, I start the last year of my undergraduate degree. I’m terrified, but I’ve also never been so excited in my entire life. I’m going to walk into class on Wednesday with a new haircut, a new outfit, and most importantly, a new fire. I’ve spent almost 4 months stressed out, hurt, afraid, and bawling my eyes out. I am done feeling like shit all the time and I’m ready to fight back.

I am going to work hard and graduate from an institution and program I love. I am going to be a better daughter, friend, and person. I am going to put myself out there, and I’m going to let new people get to know me. I am going to figure out what makes me happy, and do it. I’m going to be brave, take chances and try new things. And I’m going to fight like hell to never feel the way I felt this past summer.

I don’t know if I’m even the same person as I was at the beginning of this summer. But I’m certainly looking forward to learning who I am now.

Whatevs

So, I haven't blogged in a really long time because my life is hell right now. I think that I've had one of the worst summers on record. So this blog is on hiatus for a bit.

Listography 2

List Your Favorite Childhood Toys

            Sleepy

                        I have a doll named Sleepy that my mom’s friend gave to me at my baby shower. I named her Sleepy because back before her face rubbed off, she had her eyes closed. I’m super creative. I doubt anyone realizes this, but it is incredibly hard to find a soft body doll without a hard plastic face these days. So she’s a rarity. And I still love her a ton.

            Barbie

                        Unfortunately, I was super into Barbie. Not so much playing with her, but brushing her hair and putting together cool outfits. I would spend hours and hours picking out outfits and never once create any sort of storyline. Also, I was a pretty spoiled kid and had a ton of outfits to dig through.

            Car

                        Art and I used to have matching pedal cars and they were freaking badass.

           

            Cartoon

                        Cartoon was my ride on horse. Art named her, because it was his before I was born and when I came along they got him a bigger one. Its name was Buckaroo. They were those horse things that are suspended on a metal frame with springs and you would ride them by bouncing up and down. Cartoon was pretty cool.

List the People You Have Lived With

            Family

                        This one is obvious. I’ve only ever really lived at home with my parents and my brother. Which isn’t exciting, so I’ll add…

            Danica’s Family

                        When we went to Europe with choir, I went off with Danica, Grady and JSpence to Prague and Paris. We traveled together for two weeks, and it was quite a lovely time overall. For the most part I loved being on my own in terms of not having my family with me, but having a sort of second family so I didn’t get lonely. That being said, I did cry one night on the phone with my mom in Paris because they were all having dinner together as a family and my family wasn’t around. I got pretty homesick once we got to Paris.

List Your Favorite Books

            Harry Potter

                        I think I only know of one person who does not LOVE this series. Because it is fucking awesome. I thought I was too cool for it back when I was a kid. I only started reading them because I was going on a road trip and needed some books, so I picked up a copy of the Philosopher’s Stone at a thrift store. Within a month I had read the 5 that had come out up until that point. These books will never get old.

            Half of a Yellow Sun

                        This is a book that I just read this summer. Danica recommended it to me after she read it in a Lit course. I think her words were something to the effect of “You like books about Africa” (truths). This book is so well crafted, and interesting, and complex and beautiful. I really really loved reading it. I am still upset that my favorite character likely dies at the last minute. But still. Very very good.

            A Long Way Gone

                        This is the autobiography of Ishmael Beah, a man who was recruited as a child soldier in the civil war in Sierra Leone. He is an excellent storyteller. He is compelling, and thoughtful, and I enjoyed his prose overall. I liked it so much that I bought this book on CD and I listen to it in the car sometimes. If my interest in global development can be traced to a single catalyst, this would be it.

List Your Best Purchases

            Memory foam mattress pad and pillows

                        If there is one thing I love more than anything, it is sleeping. I used to have a ton of sleeping issues because my mattress is too firm for my tastes. That is no longer a problem. Memory foam sleep accessories have changed my life. Sleeping is so delightful now, it’s become a problem to wake up on time. These purchases wiped away my flawless internal clock.

            iPod

                        I did not own an iPod in high school. I had a discman and I thought that was just fine. I spent one week transiting to school in first year. One week on the 321 before promptly buying Fred Weasley.

            MacBook

                        Again, didn’t have a laptop right away. Thought I was fine writing all of my university papers on my parent’s shit PC. Now I cannot imagine how I lasted an entire year on that thing. It’s about ready to implode.

           

            Lululemon leggings

                        I am considering these an investment. I have been looking for new ¾ leggings for months, as my old pair began to disintegrate. In the past, I have bought new leggings every few months because I wear them out so fast. These fit perfectly, are short AND can be tucked into higher boots, and are super comfortable and look great. And I figure I won’t need to buy shit leggings every 2 months now.

           

            Truck

                        Love love love love owning my own vehicle.

            Best of the Red Hot Chili Peppers

                        This was $7 at Costco. Best ever, right?

Listography 1

A couple of Christmases ago, JSpence took Danica and I shopping on Commerical Drive in search of eclectic gifts. We happened upon a really cool store with jewelry, books, wrapping paper, napkins, and other kitsch-y type things.

Needless to say, it was pretty cool in there. I bought Lisa a really cool owl necklace, which I had been trying to find her for like, 6 months, and I think Danica also had some gift luck. The biggest success of the day went to JSpence, for finding in this store a single copy of a book called Listography for her sister, who is lovely AND sometimes scares the bajeesus out of me.

Listography is exactly what it sounds like. It’s a book with a bunch of lists names and blank lines. You take the theme of the list, and you fill the lines in accordingly.

I LOVE making lists. When I travel, I make lists up the whazoo. It’s tons of fun, so obviously this book fascinated me. Sadly, there was only the one copy in this shop.

For Christmas this year, Lisa managed to get her hands on another copy, and bequeathed it unto Danica, who also loves to make lists. Ever since, I’ve been keeping my eyes peeled for a list book of my own. Finally, I spied one at Indigo.

It was a little while ago, and it’s taken a bit to get up the nerve to actually buy a book that is about 70% blank. Today, I had a bad day at work and caved. I’ve decided to do a mini-series of blogs where I complete some of the lists in this book, because list blogs are my favorite kind of blogs. So without further AYO (Get it Jenn?), here is the first 10 lists in my book.

List of Pets and Their Names

            Tigger

                        Tigger was my very first pet. He was a Siamese Fighting Fish, and I was quite proud of him. He was red and purple but never did the cool thing where they get defensive over their own reflections. I accidentally killed him when I was changing his water one night. The temperature change gave him a heart attack.

            Joey

                        Arthur and I had a guinea pig when we were young. I liked him a fair amount, but he bit my chest once and I never forgave him. He liked to eat dandelions, and everyone in my family was allergic to him. When he died, my mom told the Leeks family before she told me, which I have also never forgiven.

List Your Closest Friends (No hard feelings)

            Andrea

                        Andrea and I have been friends since I was 4 months old and she was born. Our fathers are really good friends from high school, and our moms are close as a result. Her mom used to babysit Arthur and I in the summers. She’s a sister to me. No matter how much or little we get to see one another, nothing ever changes with our relationship. Also, for our entire childhoods, we used to watch Grease every Saturday night and dance around my living room. It was good times.

            Danica

                        I’ve known Danica since I started choir 14 years ago. I remember that in Junior Choir she sat in front of me, and she had really nice hair that I always wanted to braid because it was right in front of my face. People often tell us that we’re like an old married couple, which concerns the part of my that thinks that people think that we’re lesbians. We may not be lesbians, but she’s definitely my life partner.

            Ashley

                        I remember that Ashley used to scare the shit out of me because she was good, and older and taller than I was. I remember seeing her in the EMS production of Annie and thinking “I’m going to grow up and be like her”. Anyways, we’ve gotten quite close over the past few years. Contrary to what I feel like some people think, I don’t just use her for her lovely lovely babies. Though they ARE lovely.

            Lisa

                        I love Lisa. She’s never on time and sometimes she completely forgets that we have plans, but she is lovely and well-meaning. Danica, Lisa and I are a beautiful sunset. And quite frankly, I don’t think I would have had any fun in high school without this lovely weirdo.

            Jenna

                        Jenna is probably one of the people in my life that I admire most. She is crazy smart and quick witted, and I just know that she’s going to do amazing things in her life. And more than anyone, I feel like she and I are kindred spirits. Like, sometimes she admits things about herself that I am too embarrassed to admit about myself, like my undying love and support for the Olsen twins.

            Jennifer Kelly

                        I feel like Jenn and I get closer and closer with every time we hang out. We are close in a relatively new way, but hanging out with Jenn has always been really easy. Most of the time, we just watch TV but we always have fun. And Jenn lets me indulge in the weird parts of myself. AVPM is proof.

List the Places You Have Lived

            White Rock/ South Surrey

                        This is the only place that I have actually lived. White Rock is pretty decent. It’s full of old people, and I hate driving because of them, but the town is small and the beach is right there which always makes summer a lovely time. I’m a little on the outskirts, a bit into farm country, which I think is what makes me so discordant in my character.

List Your Favorite Films

            Lion King

                        I really really love the Lion King. The music is good, the story is lovely, and it has a great cast of character actors. And as I am I fan of the little moments, I have to point out the animation when Simba is running back to the Pridelands to battle Scar. The lines when he is running are gorgeous.

            Say Anything

                        I always say that I would have been an excellent teenager during the 80s. I would go as far as to say that I would have rivaled Molly Ringwald herself. This movie is my favorite of all 80s flicks. It’s John Cusack, Peter Gabriel and the boom box over his head. It’s iconic. Not to mention that Lloyd Dobler is the greatest romantic lead ever written. Ok, not really. But I am very fond of him.

            Singing in the Rain

                        I can’t believe that I only watched this for the first time 2 months ago. Gene Kelly is a fucking fox. This musical is all about the tap dancing, and I LOVE the tap dancing. This is such a classic musical. I love it.

List Your Past Jobs

            I haven’t really had any jobs before the one I have now. Mostly filing and whatnot, but I did work at…

            Choralstage

                        One summer, I was hired by my choir conductor to work with an autistic girl at the choir/musical theatre program he runs in the summer. I was working with Ashley in Vancouver, singing every day, putting together a musical showcase. The pay was less than desirable, but it was so much fun and probably the best job I’ve ever had. The teenagers love me, and this job is probably part of the reason I got to sing with Paul Halley this summer. Which was fucking sweet.

List the Countries You’ve Visited

            The United States of America

                        Yeah, I’ve been there. I’ve stayed in Ashland, Anaheim, San Diego and Orlando. The theme parks down there are out of this world. I wish I lived in one of them. It would never ever get dull. Also, Ashland’s Shakespeare Festival was some of the greatest times I ever had in high school.

            England

                        Went with choir, saw the sights. Liked it a fair amount, especially Cambridge. That was a lovely little outing. The theatre there is amazing as well. Everything is expensive though.

            Wales

                        I loved Wales. I wish we had been able to explore a bit more, but alas, we were on competition grounds most of the trip. The landscape is lovely though, probably the loveliest I will ever witness. All the rolling green hills and rivers running through it. I quite enjoyed my time there.

            Czech Republic

                        I LOVE Prague. If I could live anywhere, it would be this city. I feel like I was perfectly suited to it. It’s all cobble stone and old old buildings, and dry heat. There was not a moment in Prague that I was not thankful to be there. Everything about it was amazing. Contemplating the Prague field school, just to go back. I feel like it’s my second home.

            France

                        We stayed in Paris. I was not a fan. It’s too humid, and it’s dirty. They have all these lovely landmarks, but they are wide spread and set against industrial backdrops. Overall not a fan.

Weddings

So, I'm going to a wedding this weekend up in Harrison. My friend Lindsay is going, and said she was bringing a date. Turns out she no longer knows any boys this side of the Rockies, so she invited me to come along. I have no idea what I should wear, so I'm whoring my blog out. Help me pick a dress.

This is my first choice

This one is new and fun, but it may be a little too short

My aunt bought this for me for Christmas 2 years ago.
I threw it in for flavor. It's too big, and not cute.

I love this dress the most, but it's also probably too short

I wore this to Danica's Christmas Party this year.
I liked it.

I bought this at Costco for like, 20 bucks!
It's very summery and Donna Reed-ish.

This one has a satin sash and a patterned overlay.
I wore it to Ashley's wedding.

This needs to be tailored. Also just for kicks.

Look at my boobs in this dress!
It's like the first dress but not as nice.

Not a serious option. It's exclusively a work dress.

$25 F21 dress.

I love this dress. It looks like denim.
Probably not fancy enough for a wedding.

This is my new dress that I was saving for my work Christmas party.
I really like it, but I think I want to save it.

So, I expect all 3 of you to put in your vote. And soon. I need to figure shoes out after this, suckas.

Next blog will be about how bitches be crazy.

Justin

Happy Canada Day. I had a lovely day picnicking in Maple Ridge with Ashley, her husband, her two children and her mother. I would be concerned that I had intruded on family time, but picnicking at Allouette was my idea, so I take it in stride. Actually, I quite love spending time with Ashley’s family.

Anyways, back to Canada Day. While I don’t necessarily consider myself patriotic (I have unconventional ideas about the modern Nation-State), I am certainly glad I am Canadian. To celebrate this most Canadian of birthdays, I think it’s appropriate to discuss some Canadiana.

Justin Bieber.

I’ve always had mixed feelings about this kid. On the one hand, it’s pretty obvious that he’s talented. On the other hand, there are a lot of “artists” out right now who are only famous because they appeal to small children and their mania. I figured that Bieber’s success could mostly be attributed to the latter. There are tons of talented people out there. Justin Bieber probably just got famous through a combination of luck and his girlish good-looks.

Something about me. I am not usually quick to admit I am wrong. But in this case, I was definitely wrong.

After our picnic, Ashley and I rented Never Say Never, which is the Justin Bieber movie. We’ve been meaning to watch it since it came to theatres and we ended up missing it by a day. Ashley loves the Biebs, and listens to him in the car because Li loves to sing “Baby”. I’m just intrigued. While I had heard good things about it, I was a little skeptical.

First off, this is probably the best new movie that I’ve seen all year. In general, it’s a really good movie. I found it inspiring in a way that is usually reserved for musicals and other live theatre. It’s the inspiration that accompanies people making everything they want a reality. Not to mention working hard.

Back to Bieber himself. The video is a combination of interviews, recent footage of his shows and prep for Madison Square Garden, and old home videos. Even from the video of him drumming on a hair at 3 or 4 years old, it is apparent that this kid is indeed extraordinary. To be honest, it looks like he’s good at everything. He’s athletic, he sings, he dances, he plays 4 instruments. I turned to Ashley at one point and said “he MUST be dumb” because no one can be that good at everything and still be smart. It’s just not fair.

This is not a kid who whored himself to Disney. He worked hard, was discovered on youtube, and it paid off. Beside all of that, he seems surprisingly grounded. He’s just a good kid.

Not to mention that he’s talented. His music isn’t really my thing. It’s catchy and nice for the summer time, but I don’t know if I’d buy his CD. But his voice? C’mon. I don’t care who you are or what you think of him or his career. You CANNOT deny that his voice is amazing. It’s like butter.

Anyways. I don’t know if there’s much more I can say about this kid. I’m definitely a convert. And quite honestly, I think that he’s the next JTim. Also, I’m considering a purple American Apparel hoodie myself.