I haven’t had much of a chance to blog. To be honest, I haven’t had much of a chance to do much of anything this past semester. I feel like I’m always operating at full speed and never getting much of anything done. I’m always busy, but nothing ever happens in my life.
That being said, I don’t regret the sacrificing of my social life. I worked my ass off all semester and I just got my grades back, and they’re fairly impressive. I even got an e-mail from the director of my program saying that he is “excited to witness [my] intellectual development”. That made me feel crazy good.
As far as my September turning over of new leaves, I’d say I’ve done a fair job. I’m rocking the new haircut (when I wake up early enough to deal with it). I’m working hard at work, and I’m working REALLY hard at school. I’m becoming closer to new people and being a little more outgoing with ones I don’t know so well. I’m going for a more inclusive feel. I went to a bar downtown a few weeks ago (which feels like a bigger deal than it is). I’m putting family first and trying to be more patient with my parents and more involved in Art’s life.
I’m still working on some things. Rome was not built in a single declaration of leaf turning. I’m working on taking more chances and letting people in, and I certainly need to work on finding a balance between school and having a social life.
School has made being a good friend a little difficult, which I hate and don’t know how to fix. Jenna had a rough couple of weeks about a month ago and all I could do was read about it helplessly on the internet between papers. It kills me that I wasn’t there for her; it’s not that I was a bad friend, it’s that I was absent, which I feel is so much worse.
I’ve been busy. I’ve been exhausted. I’ve felt like there is no possible way that I can make it through this next year. But not once have I felt defeated or lost or empty. I definitely don’t feel like I’m the same person I was before May, but I’m back to some form of normal. And overall, I feel like I’m better off.
